Starry Eyed
by ReturntoZero1
Summary: I brushed my lips against his coarse and cold ones, letting the blood smear onto my face. Even after the deed had been done I continued to kiss him, hoping he could feel how much I wanted him. My world became entirely made up of him, Nitram was the night sky that I looked up to, he made my eyes reflect the bright stars that he possesed.


Title: Starry-Eyed

Pairings: Pre-scratch Summix Pre-scratch GHB

Note: Since we don't know GHB's typing quirk I am simply going to write it out normally. And this is in his POV so bluh bluh bluh.

_Entry 1: The Beginning of the End_

I still believe keeping such a useless jornal is pointless by my moirail insists so I will continue to write in order to make him shut up, I would rather write random nonsense than hear another one of his lectures. Half the shit he says is just rambling and another fourth of it is being 'polite' and setting his stupid triggers. Anyways, he said bluh bluh bluh-Oh yes, I recall why I began to write in this piece of trash.

In this time I believe that we are at the end of our tale.

I say this because Meenah has finally moved from that hive of hers and instead decided to build an army. It's an amusing thought but it's obvious that our death has come. I am both very happy for such a thing and somewhat dissappointed. I was hoping for more time to get things done but I am forced to act now. I have yet to recall the events of our failed game, but I find it an appropriate time to begin to reminisce now. Despite this ending I can find a new beginning and I hope to be able to find the most tragic of events, how it would make my blood-pusher soar!

Let us begin, shall we?

[S]: Dive into the first of many dream bubbles.

_Makara! Hey, get over here! I gotta talk about somethin to ya._

Ah yes, Nitram.(_What could HE possibly want from me?)_ He comes closer to me and lets his gaze fall to his feet, head slightly bowed as he speaks in a hushed voice-

_Let's make a deal._

I can't help but smile at this.(_What is he trying to pull? Maybe I can pull the rug right from under-)_

_If either of us dies, the able-bodied troll goes to kiss them, so we can reach God-tier._

It had been a pretty reasonable deal, it wasn't like anyone would go out of their way to save me. I still wonder why he would propose such a thing.(_Why not Aranea? Why not someone from his team?) _He laughs and shakes his head, finally looking up at me and gazing straight into my eyes.

_Aranea's pretty mad at me, she would leave me right about now...and I know you'll come to see me anyways._

[S]: Leave the first of many deam bubbles.

I was back in my imaginary hive, and I couldn't help but glance around in my room. It had been as I had left it, I wonder how much of it was left? No matter, I was here now and I needed to find it.

I rose from my spot and hastily searched for my poems, they had proven to be better later on, they had only reflected my position as a subjuggulator. Once I had found my fate I could only smile, my morbid and depressed self had carried on even after the game. In death there WAS beauty, unimaginable beauty and perfection.

Before I knew it the bubble had floated to me, silently begging me to enter, to see-

[S]: Enter.

_It's beautiful...Your poems I mean..._

I was shocked when he had found out, when he had approached me on such a sensitive topic.(_Liar. Get away from me._) It was truly beautiful. He was absolutely breathtaking. It was hard to see it then but I can definitely see it now. It wasn't until death loomed over me that I finally saw it. He had been perfect even in life.[What would that make him in death?] With a confident smile he continued to come nearer and nearer, sitting beside me and glancing at me expectantly.

_Can you please read one of them to me? I bet it woould give me chills..._

I figure that when he continued to prod I couldn't find myself to say no. [Why couldn't I say no?]

_(I would rather not._)

I laughed and watched silently, I had no power of the past. I had no reason to change it. Even if I did it wouldn't be as sweet as now. I have a few regrets but those can be amended, they HAVE to be amended later. I have to find the poem book first. I'll wait till this ends.

_My favorite was Starry-Eyed. Can you tell it to me please?_

(_Burst into colors, play the game_

_Of trolls and love_

_Let's get starry-eyed_

_Let us sing into the heavens_

_Let us fall into lust_

_Lips, sighs and breaths_

_Now we're touching_

_Let the blood dry_

_and the wounds close up_

_Break the bones and bruise the skin_

_Let me hear you sing_

_It was always there_

_We're starry-eyed_

_Let it happen now_)

He had the sweetest smile, the most melodic laugh, the prettiest brown eyes-

_Thank you...I think you're right in a lot of ways._

I never understood what he meant-

[S]: Exit.

Back in my room. This time I was staring at the ceiling. I slowly got up and wobbled to my feet, serching around for my poem book. The little thing was filled to the brim with poems and unfinished ideas, musing and exploring each different topic. Most revolved around death and distaste, anguish and pain, all the somber and melancholic ideas that had ever entered my head.

I had never written about love.

Starry-Eyed had been the only exception.

But it would never happen again.

I knew he didn't feel what I felt. His glances at her and his bashful expression wasn't the same thing I spoke of. He didn't know a GOG-DAMNED thing about love. The humans had left behind what it meant and why it mattered; but he did not feel that miracle. He was simply flushed for her, such a shallow and pathetic feeling. He could never understand how I felt about HIM.

[S]: Enter the most important memory.

He had been pathetic, and I shouldn't have felt for him so strongly. It was a mistake on my part, but at least it helped clear my mind from thoughts of what could be and what was meant to come, he had clearly chosen who he wanted.

Even as he laid on the ground in his own blood I couldn't help but move closer. She simply wept beside him, her hands stained with rust, she could not find the strength to kiss him. I moved her aside, leaning over my once alive-friend and took a moment to look at him. (_He's perfect now._)

(_Now he looks like an angel._)

I gingerly picked him up and placed my arms around him, holding the back of his head up while the other hand pressed at the small of his back. His body felt right in my arms. Suddenly fantasies filled my eyes, only in the beauty of death could I finally show my affection and love.(_It's not like he can say no._)

I brushed my lips against his coarse and cold ones, letting the blood smear onto my face. Even after the deed had been done I continued to kiss him, hoping he could feel how much I wanted him. My world became entirely made up of him, Nitram was the night sky that I looked up to, he made my eyes reflect the bright stars that he possesed.

Mituna pulled me away, I still craved more. (_I wrote about you.)_

[S]: Come back to your place.

I wanted him to be there again.

I don't know if he ever did reach Godteir or if he's hiding somewhere in the dream bubble. I wish I could talk to him again. To see his sweet smile.

If this is the end I have to at least tell him.

I had always wrote of the bad things, the horrible cold caress of death and how comforting it was, but I never mentioned the worst pain of all. It had gripped me so violently, leaving me with nothing but ache and misery. Death truly became a blessing and I couldn't get it to come, it seemed I was forever stuck in a world of anguish and despair.

Love.

My blood-pusher was now in shreds, the tendrils loose and withered with all the time that had passed.

All my writings always had a bad ending, making anyone who read them tearful; it seems as if it has changed now. For myself I wished for a happy ending, but it seems I have fallen victim to my own fascination; I was doomed from the beginning. I find it both amusing and horrific that I practically planned out my own downfall but it's the best way to go, for such agony is absolutely beautiful.[It's indescribeable]

I can still taste his lips.

Ever since he's been in my life I've been starry-eyed; this is a curse that I wish upon no one, not even my most caliginous partner.

I found the tattered old thing and took it, brushing off some of the dust that had accumulated before rising; I need to write a bit more. I glanced at where I last left off, my last poem was about love, Starry-Eyed was my last idea before entering the game. I took a pen and began on a new page, my last page and smiled.

_Starry-Eyed (Death))_

(_Burst into colors, play the game_

_Of trolls and love_

_Let's get starry-eyed_

_Let us sing into the heavens_

_Let us fall into lust_

_I can't help myself_

_You're my lightning_

_Let go, for me_

_Please don't leave me_

_Everybody knows_

_My blood and bones_

_Are for you_

_Even when you go_

_I'm here_

_I'll collapse here_

_Because you're my sky_

_You're a body of stars_

_Let my eyes be starry_

_Cause I know_

_Love will be the death of me_)

I wished I never had fallen...


End file.
